Zak Fellows

WWE Royal Rumble in a Nutshell: 1998-2001


WWE Royal Rumble 1998


1. Cactus Jack (The violent personality of Mick Foley starting the Rumble…woo)

2. Chainsaw Charlie (Oh look its Leatherface and he’s taking on Cactus Jack you can just hear the horror fanatics gushing over violence that won’t happen unless WWE wants a public relations nightmare)

3. Tom Brandi (Hey look its Tom Brady named after a type of alcoholic drink)

4. The Rock (Rocky Maivia didn’t work out for you then Dwayne?)

5. Mosh (I would say that WWE had a decent idea on the type of people who watched their shows)

6. Phineas Godwinn (Because some common scum rolling around in pig crap=Attitude Era)

7. 8-Ball (What were WWE at a Snooker Club while coming up with names?)

8. Blackjack Bradshaw (And in one of the oldest and noblest of wrestling traditions the NEW Blackjacks were a failure)

9. Owen Hart (Didn’t even make it to the ring thanks to Jeff Jarrett…I thought those two were friends)

10. Steve Blackman (A Martial Artist…Lia…I mean Mr Neeson!)

11. D’Lo Brown (Down low!)

12. Kurrgan (Some big guy what more is there to say)

13. Marc Mero (I’m sure a lot of you hate Marc Mero because of him wanting to be chivalrous and cover up his woman so they can view her as a human being and not a piece of meat)

14. Ken Shamrock (I’m sorry but I’m indifferent to Ken Shamrock personally)

15. Thrasher (The only thing he could ever effectively thrash is himself)

16. Mankind (Mankind isn’t a monster…you people are the monsters for wanting to see him endure unimaginable brutal torture)

17. The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust (Clearly he is unaware that nobody gives a shit who he is currently or formerly)

18. Jeff Jarrett (Good to see Double J again)

19. The Honky Tonk Man (Wish I could say the same for this asshole)

20. Ahmed Johnson (He’s Black…what else?)

21. Mark Henry (A young Mark Henry before he would proceed to have sex with everything that moves)

22. Skull (WWE was raiding a graveyard that night, saw a skull in the coffin and thought ‘huh that would make a good wrestler name’ not ‘Ew skull get it away get it away’)

23. Kama Mustafa (So you think by just giving a last name to Kama I’ll stop drawing the Papa Shango comparisons?)

24. Steve Austin (Gee with all the build-up to this match I have no idea who is going to win)

25. Henry Godwinn (I suppose if you enjoy rolling around in your own filth and eating bacon you would love the Godwinn’s

26. Savio Vega (Still around and irrelevant)

27. Faarooq (Oh yeah! Raise the fist baby!)

28. Dude Love (Oh great it’s one of those tree hugging, tin foil hat wearing hippies)

29. Chainz (Wasn’t he a zombie?)

30. Vader (Yeah…he has no chance)


1. Tom Brandi (Makes you want to get a brandy doesn’t it…well aren’t you a weak alcoholic idiot?)

2. Cactus Jack (We need to set a good example here)

3. Mosh (But last I checked you don’t see many heavy metal suicidal depressives in the audience…not now a days anyway)

4. Steve Blackman (I have to question why Mr Neeson inducted this guy into the League and kicked me out)

5. Kurrgan (He will never be forgotten…which is why I had to google his name)

6. Chainsaw Charlie (And tell your family that the barbeque meat isn’t up to scrap…Britney Spears implants or not)

7. Mankind (And I bet you hoped he lost a tooth from that fall you savages)

8. Jeff Jarrett (Owen joined in after Jarrett entered…you sore sport Owen can’t you take a friendly joke?)

9. Ken Shamrock (Oh wait he’s an MMA fighter which means he’s a bloodthirsty psychopath that’s why people like to relate to him)

10. Owen Hart (Eliminated by Triple H and Chyna…remember the plan being that Owen was to be a good guy?)

11. Ahmed Johnson (What else? Oh yeah he’s now fat)

12. Phineas Godwinn (Apparently dog crap is Attitude Era and Pig Crap is New Generation)

13. Marc Mero (which is why you are all virgins and don’t have social live. Me on the other hand…)

14. 8-Ball (Sunk like an actual 8 ball)

15. Blackjack Bradshaw (His wrestling career was going downhill so he decided to invest in the Stock Exchange)

16. D’Lo Brown (too slow…just as I had planned)

17. The Honky Tonk Man (At least he earned his one paycheck before he goes back to some crappy legends show to literally buy some hookers)

18. Thrasher (which is why a lot of wrestling fans relate to him)

19. Kama Mustafa (…well the nickname makes him particularly African and more of a Voodoo Practitioner…still love him for getting rid of Warrior)

20. Savio Vega (His irrelevance on proud display once again)

21. Vader (Eliminated by Goldust see what I mean?)

22. Skull (He was attacked by Los Boricuas who mistook him for Austin. Don’t you just hate it when that happens?)

23. Henry Godwinn (You do do that? Then please leave because intelligent people only)

24. The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust (That’s for the unnecessarily long name you pervert…and stop peeking on me. I mean I don’t blame you after all who wouldn’t but people are asking for questions and I’m running out of space in my shed)

25. Chainz (Please keep your sexual tools to yourself)

26. Mark Henry (Sorry Henry but you got to make way for the ambassador of the Nation)

27. Dude Love (Hippie wrestlers do realise that they are hypocrites for working a violent profession right?)

28. Faarooq (Guys lower the fists Faarooq’s been eliminated…I know I know!)

29. The Rock (Apparently this new shit isn’t working for you yet either)

Winner: Steve Austin (Who the hell didn’t see this coming?)

Vince-Mcmahon-royal-rumbleWWE Royal Rumble 1999


1. Steve Austin (Apparently he has no chance in hell of winning from this spot)

2. Vince McMahon (He’s got no chance! No chance in…)

3. Golga (A fat guy with a fascination with Cartman from South Park? Talk about cheap pops)

4. Droz (Isn’t he the guy Warrior called a cripple which he got a lot of shit for even though as bad as it was it was the truth?)

5. Edge (You think you know him?)

6. Gillberg (I don’t really see what Full Capability Win was intending to accomplish by making a Goldberg midget copy)

7. Steve Blackman (Stupid Blackman kung fu guy)

8. Dan Severn (He’s an MMA psychotic barbarian)

9. Tiger Ali Singh (I seriously thought it was Sheik Abdul Bashir when he came out)

10. The Blue Meanie (Some fat piece of shit…at least I know what most of the wrestlers and fans of ECW were probably like now)

11. Mabel (And I was just getting used to not having him around)

12. The Road Dogg (Mr Catchphrase spouter himself)

13. Gangrel (He spits blood)

14. Kurrgan (What was the point of the Oddities?)

15. Al Snow (He got a lot of shit from some woman for carrying a plastic decapitated female head)

16. Goldust (Thank god he ain’t the artist formerly known anymore now I can go outside without fear of being spied on)

17. The Godfather (And you people cheer for this kind of shit)

18. Kane (Get used to seeing Kane in the Rumble by the way)

19. Ken Shamrock (The most dangerous man in the World)

20. Billy Gunn (Like most of you perverts out there Billy Gunn is an ass man)

21. Test (What a heel name by naming a wrestler after what dumbass’s hate)

22. The Big Boss Man (I have hired the Boss man as my personal bodyguard)

23. Triple H (I personally don’t believe in most of the Triple H burying people enigma)

24. Val Venis (Great…a male porn star…and I’m supposed to cheer for him…if these were your heroes growing up then you are all ass backwards)

25. X Pac (Some grease rat that watched Sesame Street how interesting)

26. Mark Henry (I have actually seen sexual chocolate and it wasn’t what you would expect)

27. Jeff Jarrett (Famous for being the abusive to women asshole with the flashing Debra)

28. D’Lo Brown (Down low D’Lo!)

29. Owen Hart (Now this guy was a real role model especially in the Attitude Era)

30. Chyna (WWE is lying here because Mo was the first woman in the Royal Rumble)


1. Golga (What was that? I think that was the sound of an earthquake happening in Texas…he isn’t who I think it is is he?)

2. Gillberg (The first and only model of the Full Capability Win Midget cyborg division and you can see why)

3. Dan Severn (Which means you must like him)

4. Steve Blackman (Yes I am still scratching my magnificent brain trying to come up with why Blackman was in the League of Shadows)

5. Tiger Ali Singh (which was the only reason I cared for him)

6. The Blue Meanie (Ok you’re not fat your overweight…people who watch ECW don’t know what overweight means right?)

7. Droz (He feels like puking after being eliminated)

8. Edge (Don’t worry you have over a decade to get to know him)

9. Mabel (I was in on the Ministry kidnapping Mabel because it is a branch of the League)

10. Gangrel (So either he has severe health issues, has lost a tooth or is an extreme pervert pick and mix!)

11. Al Snow (Don’t see how people can be into that…then I remembered that it was DECAPITATED and a WOMAN because everybody loves gore and tits)

12. The Road Dogg (Seriously his catchphrase is the only reason people loved the guy)

13. Kurrgan (To target the mentally impaired I guess)

14. The Godfather (I suppose it is because your mother is a ho and your father was a pimp…you may think I am stooping low by resorting to parents jokes but your mum wasn’t saying I stooped low last night ZING!)

15. Goldust (Oh shit he’s been eliminated. I guess he’s gonna join my fan club again)

16. Kane (Eliminated himself when some Asylum White coats came after him like the Benny Hill show)

17. Ken Shamrock (is NOT Shamrock because the most dangerous man in the world is a retard at a strip club)

18. Billy Gunn (and I am too admittedly but it doesn’t stop me from not liking Gunn)

19. Test (I guess some people do like tests and exams though and if they do then finally somebody intelligent to interact with and love me)

20. X Pac (And when I say interesting I mean that ‘can’t you see I’m not interested’ interesting)

21. Jeff Jarrett (I like to think Jarrett is perfect for those like old style wrestling and traditions)

22. Mark Henry (I of course can relate with what Henry’s trying to do I mean a lot of women call me Sexual Chocolate as well and White chocolate is better than dark chocolate not trying to be racist or anything)

23. Chyna (See you later you dyke)

24. Val Venis (I bet you failed in your attempts to become a porn star or a pimp didn’t you? Good next time like a real wrestling hero)

25. Triple H (Like Triple H for instance!)

26. Owen Hart (And maybe Owen Hart if he hadn’t of been eliminated…by Austin phew missed that one)

27. D’Lo Brown (Too slow again! One day you will earn the honour D’Lo)

28. The Big Boss Man (I hired him for your protection not mine)

29. Steve Austin (Ooh so close I guess we won’t have Austin in the main event of this Wrestlemania)

Winner: Vince McMahon (…the hell!?)

Royal-Rumble-2000WWE Royal Rumble 2000


1. D’Lo Brown (Alright Brown this may be your last chance so make it count…Down Low!)

2. Grand Master Sexay (I guess everybody was such an Attitude Era mark that they didn’t care that WWE promoted incorrect spelling of the word sexy)

3. Mosh (My god what the hell is he wearing?)

4. Christian (Christian face or heel probably upsets religious groups)

5. Rikishi (My eyes!)

6. Scotty 2 Hotty (Oh god damn it Hotty is not a word!)

7. Steve Blackman (Steve Blackman really does a good job of illustrating how hardcore the WWE Hardcore division was)

8. Viscera (Ok I actually liked Viscera in the Ministry)

9. Big Boss Man (You know I hear Boss man became a funeral director starting the year 2000)

10. Test (Talk about being lost in the shuffle)

11. The British Bulldog (So Bulldog came back to the WWE to win a title in honour of Owen?)

12. Gangrel (I don’t see why you all blame Twilight for the complete ruining of Vampires)

13. Edge (*Sniff* something reeks)

14. Bob Backlund (I should have created a drinking game out of nostalgia entrants so take a shot every time a Nostalgia act appears in the Rumble match)

15. Chris Jericho (Hey look everybody it’s that guy you all love!)

16. Crash Holly (He’s over 400lbs I have got a new favourite)

17. Chyna (The first and only woman to win the Intercontinental Championship because Mo was never given a title reign)

18. Faarooq (Is this the year that Faarooq started slowly becoming a catchphrase?)

19. Road Dogg (Ignoring that he already competed in a less than 3 minute tag title defence)

20. Al Snow (What does everybody want?!)

21. Val Venis (Hello Ladies is what you say before getting a slap)

22. Prince Albert (What is he a Prince of exactly?)

23. Hardcore Holly (Hey I was just thinking about scum!)

24. The Rock (I didn’t always hate the Rock you know)

25. Billy Gunn (I guess that split of the New Age Outlaws last year didn’t go to well)

26. The Big Show (Little word of advice Big Show and that is to chain coffins to the ground next time)

27. Bradshaw (They finally got Bradshaw right after years)

28. Kane (Looking both ways to make sure that the white coats ain’t anywhere near)

29. The Godfather (The benefits of having a ho as the boss I guess)

30. X-Pac (Wow I can’t think of anybody less interesting to have as number 30)


1. Mosh (Whatever it is it says a lot about heavy metal fans)

2. Christian (There second eliminated now it’s time for Jewish to put over Hindu)

3. D’Lo Brown (Too slow again either I’m just too fast or you just plain suck D’Lo)

4. Grand Master Sexay (I mean they spelt it right with Shawn Michaels so why not this nobody?)

5. Scotty 2 Hotty (Well ok Teenage Girls call boys hotties which is close but they are all air headed bimbos)

6. Steve Blackman (…its shit)

7. Viscera (Everything else is meh)

8. Rikishi (Thank you group of wrestlers your next prescription is on me which I will probably regret)

9. Bob Backlund (If you are dead as a result of this drinking game then mission accomplished)

10. Chris Jericho (And he was eliminated by a dyke in under 4 minutes oh happy birthday to me!)

11. Chyna (Not that you would know because…have you seen Chyna?)

12. Faarooq (And also promote the use of damnation)

13. The British Bulldog (Man I guess the Hart Family are idiots)

14. Edge (Oh yeah he got eliminated by Al Snow big deal nobody cares now what the hell is that stench?)

15. Big Boss Man (His Funeral Firm would come in handy in a couple of years…well it’s forward thinking of getting a discount)

16. Crash Holly (God the Rock is able to life over 400lbs that is amazing!)

17. Test (I blame Vince not HHH like many of you no doubt do)

18. Gangrel (Vampires sucked long before Twilight appeared)

19. Bradshaw (And then it would take another 4 years before he would actually become somewhat intriguing)

20. Val Venis (It’s ok though because you just go back to the hole in the wall don’t you?)

21. Prince Albert (How can a tattooist be a Prince?)

22. Hardcore Holly (Never try and get an autograph from Bob Holly because his scumbag disease will rub off on you and make you an even bigger scum bag)

23. The Godfather (The Ho rebelled against the pimp!)

24. Al Snow (Oh…no reason to ask Al Snow because The Rock already gave me what I want)

25. Road Dogg (And yet some of you tear current WWE a new asshole for previous match participants entering the Rumble)

26. Billy Gunn (I guess that’s what happens when you kiss Dwayne’s ass)

27. Kane (It took some green grease rat to do what some white coats couldn’t…hope you hear that mental asylums you crazy fuckers)

28. X-Pac (See X Pac is so uninteresting I’ve got nothing interesting to say)

29. The Big Show (Actually maybe next time he should chain himself to the ground to avoid elimination

Winner: The Rock (His stuff today is so phoned in though. Some stupid stuff followed after this PPV and led to one of the most crap WrestleMania’s in history)

Austin-KaneWWE Royal Rumble 2001


1. Jeff Hardy (I think Jeff would be stupid enough to eliminate himself for the sake of trying to kill himself)

2. Bull Buchanan (WWE really doesn’t care about Parental groups do they?)

3. Matt Hardy (How is this fair?!)

4. Faarooq (Damn…not a good entry for the black guy)

5. Drew Carey (Man I get the feeling this will be a performance worthy of the Hall of Fame)

6. Kane (It’s a Good thing that Kane like’s fire)

7. Raven (What about Raven? Good question)

8. Al Snow (No decapitated women’s head tonight)

9. Perry Saturn (I did like Saturn for his titantron video featuring a lot of Terri)

10. Steve Blackman (God this Rumble is turning into a fucking mess)

11. Grand Master Sexay (Out of curiosity if there are any fans of this guy raise your hand if you graduated?)

12. The Honky Tonk Man (Even though I hate this prick I hope he gets to sing and dance)

13. The Rock (Maybe he will be able to actually win the rumble this year)

14. The Goodfather (Why am I not surprised that you cheer for the pimp and boo the good intentioned smartly dressed guy?)

15. Tazz (This short guy is the great Tazz that you keep talking about?)

16. Bradshaw (I hired the APA once)

17. Albert (Nice piercings)

18. Hardcore Holly (Oh if only he came in when all the other hardcore guys were in)

19. K Kwik (And that’s the tru…sorry wrong year)

20. Val Venis (Hello parents!)

21. William Regal (Bout time we have a proper English Gentleman in the Royal Rumble)

22. Test (Missed Opportunity and Failure sums up Test)

23. The Big Show (Ready to win the Rumble this time with no bullshit involving the McMahon’s)

24. Crash Holly (It’s a magician!)

25. The Undertaker (Didn’t I see him on Impact a little while ago)

26. Scotty 2 Hotty (Man I would hate to be Scotty right now)

27. Steve Austin (Ready to kick some ass…oh wait he’s being beaten up by Triple H well done Mr Helmsley!)

28. Billy Gunn (I don’t know why he called himself the One)

29. Haku (Oh my god he’s got a lethal afro run!)

30. Rikishi (So if Rikishi gave stink faces as a face does he do shit face’s as a heel?)


1. Bull Buchanan (Well they do now when it’s convenient)

2. Faarooq (You know what? Damn you all!)

3. Matt Hardy (Eliminated Jeff along with himself at the same time…that’s what you get for cheating in drawing numbers Matthew)

4. Jeff Hardy (And it’s not like we would try to stop him either)

5. Drew Carey (Eliminated himself after trying to be a sportsman to Kane…back to Dudleyville for now Mr Carey)

6. Grand Master Sexay (Yeah that’s what I thought)

7. Steve Blackman (Thank you Kane for cleaning this shit up Neil Flynn would be proud)

8. Al Snow (Shame that was the only thing I like about him)

9. Raven (Well he got eliminated so at least he was noticed)

10. Perry Saturn (But I would still pick the mop over that dumb slut)

11. The Honky Tonk Man (Kane how dare you ruin that one man concert…oh wait I hate Honky cheers Kane)

12. The Goodfather (You guys are all fucking idiots)

13. Tazz (He got eliminated in seconds…seriously what did you see in this short guy?)

14. William Regal (Stupid Toronto people eliminating the only person with manners in this rumble)

15. Test (Oxycodone also comes to mind just to make everybody a bit uncomfortable)

16. K Kwik (And we never saw him again)

17. The Big Show (Man that guy must hate Rock. WOW he does hate the Rock! Big Show please join my Anti Rock Group on Facebook totally better than that Anti Cena group bullshit)

18. Bradshaw (It was for my opposition’s protection not mine since of course I would have murdered the guy)

19. Crash Holly (Oh but I wanted to see his disappearing trick!)

20. Albert (Shame everybody else was paying attention to your bimbo of a valet at the time)

21. Hardcore Holly (Thanks’ for reminding why I love you so much Undertaker)

22. Val Venis (Goodbye Parents!)

23. Scotty 2 Hotty (or ever for that matter)

24. Haku (No use your afro Haku. God no wonder Andre left you)

25. The Undertaker (Well I guess I can rule out Undertaker being in the League of Shadows)

26. Rikishi (How unappreciative is the Rock after everything Rikishi did for him? Give him a shit face fat bad man!)

27. Billy Gunn (It’s untrue as well because I am the One)

28. The Rock (OH YES HE DIDN’T WIN I FUCKING LOVE YOU KANE! Man that felt good)

29. Kane (because he got burned!)

Winner: Steve Austin (So he got bloodied by Triple H and still won? Man the people must really be behind this wife beating alcoholic and he will always be a good guy to you ass backwards people

About Jay Alletto

Jay Alletto is the owner of Pro Wrestling Powerhouse

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