Pro Wrestling Powerhouse

WWE Royal Rumble in a Nutshell: 1993-1997

1994
WWE Royal Rumble 1993

Entrants

1. Ric Flair (Wow he could go all the way again right Heenan?)

2. Bob Backlund (HEY…that’s MR Backlund to you people)

3. Papa Shango (He helped get rid of Warrior and that makes him one of my favourite voodoo practitioners)

4. Ted DiBiase (So generous that he was rewarded with a tag title reign which he did not complain about)

5. Brian Knobs (Hogan buddies are shown to be left to drown if Hogan isn’t there)

6. Virgil (I would say it was a seriously missed opportunity for Virgil to go higher after the DiBiase feud)

7. Jerry Lawler (Remember the time when Lawler was a heel dick wrestler instead of a pandering one unfunny joke spouting commentator who everybody loves for some reason?

8. Max Moon (It’s a superhero…looks Oriental as well)

9. Genichiro Tenryu (A Japanese dude who is actually Japanese…he must have gone far)

10. Mr Perfect (You know me and Perfect know a lot about Perfection)

11. Skinner (I bet you all love Skinner don’t you?)

12. Koko B Ware (Shall I give Koko the bird for old time’s sake?)

13. Samu (Another Samoan Wrestler…Peter Maivia’s scheme of world domination is never ending!)

14. The Berzerker (Why wasn’t Berzerker apart of Immortal anyway?)

15. The Undertaker (Uh Oh…my bullshit senses are tingling

16. Terry Taylor (Now I got a finger licking for Kentucky Fried Chicken lord knows why)

17. Damien Demento (From the outer reaches of my mind apparently)

18. Irwin R Schyster (One of the REAL heroes of the WWE because he has a job and he is good at it)

19. Tatanka (Ok he’s pretty cool)

20. Jerry Sags (How does Jerry Sags like his women?)

21. Typhoon (Tugboat tugs like a Typhoon)

22. Fatu (He may not look it but he’s a bad man)

23. Earthquake (Ok China and Iraq have already been destroyed so guys please for the love of your not racist minds don’t eliminate him)

24. Carlos Colon (So he gave us the BanhanditO’s sort of…thanks a lot CarlO’s)

25. Tito Santana (…Red Cape)

26. Rick Martel (Thanks to him I have a decade’s supply of Arrogance…the spray that is)

27. Yokozuna (The Sumo Champion makes you want to talk like the Japanese like a racist)

28. Owen Hart (Yay)

29. Repo Man (If he doesn’t win then he should repo the Royal Rumble)

30. Randy Savage (Macho Man got pull Oh Yeah!)

Eliminations

1. Papa Shango (Hello I’m Dr Shango Voodoo Practitioner I recommend the coloured vomiting to cure your ailment)

2. Brian Knobs (That’s what he gets for being a Knob)

3. Max Moon (Didn’t he use to talk about Latin American Revolutions…oh wrong guy)

4. Ric Flair (Bobby Heenan stormed off so I’ll take his place…FLAIR’S BEEN ELIMINATED?! Fuck this)

5. Skinner (which makes his elimination that much more satisfying for me)

6. Jerry Lawler (If not then this is when he was…see I don’t blame you for being a kid)

7. Virgil (I would say it but I don’t want to)

8. Mr Perfect (Difference is I would have avoided DiBiase and the Birdman which makes me more perfect)

9. Samu (If you can’t even beat a zombie then how are you gonna take over the world?)

10. Genichiro Tenryu (Funny how the fake Japanese guy goes further than the real Japanese guy and look at me laughing at people’s misfortune)

11. Koko B Ware (…yeah why the fuck not?)

12. Terry Taylor (Ok now let’s cook him)

13. Ted DiBiase (Again the generosity of this man to let the Undertaker a guy he brought into WWE eliminate him)

14. The Berzerker (Oh well he can go and predict more of what THEY do in the future)

15. The Undertaker (eliminated by a giant guy in an airbrush suit…you see how accurate my bullshit senses are)

16. Typhoon (Hey he set himself up for these gay sailor jokes)

17. Damien Demento (If he saw what was in the Outer Reaches of my mind then he would want to commit suicide out of paranoia, fear and arousement)

18. Fatu (He let Backlund eliminate him for somebody else)

19. Irwin R Schyster (which is why you disobedient wankers boo him)

20. Tatanka (He eliminated like bouncing rabbit)

21. Carlos Colon (And the invisible war between the Puerto Ricans and Sam…I mean Japanese begins)

22. Earthquake (Oh god damn it there goes Japan! It’s bad enough those tentacle obsessed weirdo’s have Godzilla but you just made it worse Yoko!)

23. Tito Santana (Yoko was wearing Red tights…that’s as close as I am going to get isn’t it?)

24. Jerry Sags (Trick question because he’s so ugly that he doesn’t get any)

25. Owen Hart (And in a couple of months he would become a man)

26. Repo Man (Repo Miss Elizabeth and I’ll gladly pay the debt off for Macho)

27. Rick Martel (I even sell it to door to door salesmen…they were crying and covering their eyes in gratitude)

28. Bob Backlund (Oh well worth the effort eh Mr Backlund)

29. Randy Savage (Huh…who would have thought that Macho Man also meant instinctive idiot)

Winner: Yokozuna (Holy shit a Foreign Heel won the Rumble…he is gonna walk away from Wrestlemania as champion right?)

WWE Royal Rumble 1994

Entrants

1. Scott Steiner (You know I have the opinion that the Steiner’s only went to WWE to win the titles and then leave)

2. Samu (Here’s hoping that he will do better in fulfilling the mission of Peter Maivia’s Samoan army this time)

3. Rick Steiner (I call this unfair to Samu)

4. Kwang (What is with the great interest in Asians during Yokozuna’s title reign?)

5. Owen Hart (Just coming off the awesome kick leg out of Bret’s leg)

6. Bart Gunn (I think Bart Gunn would have made a great MMA fighter/psycho)

7. Diesel (Also known as Green people’s most hated wrestlers)

8. Bob Backlund (Hopefully Mr Backlund wins this time)

9. Billy Gunn (What an ass)

10. Virgil (You know what’s especially sad is that Virgil is more regarded being a bodyguard then he is turning on DiBiase)

11. Randy Savage (Just remember Macho…no pin attempts this time)

12. Jeff Jarrett (And just when I was beginning to doubt most of this Rumbles line up)

13. Crush (How many gimmick changes under one name can one guy have? I am aware I have probably asked that before but for those just joining us like I give a shit)

14. Doink The Clown (I can see WWE wasn’t clowning around with their roster in 1994)

15. Bam Bam Bigelow (Getting another shot in WWE so don’t fuck it up you athletic tattooed dickhead)

16. Mabel (It’s the world’s largest vampire rapping gothic love machine)

17. Sparky Plugg (I get the feeling that this guy is somewhat of a douchebag)

18. Shawn Michaels (Who was the REAL Intercontinental Champion at that time anyway?)

19. Mo (A wrestler with only a first name…WWE were lying when they said Chyna was the first woman to compete in the Rumble)

20. Greg Valentine (I will say Valentine had an awesome theme song)

21. Tatanka (I wonder what my native American name would be…to the internet! which I’m already on)

22. The Great Kabuki (Another Japanese guy?! Not complaining or anything)

23. Lex Luger (Man was trying to create another American hero babyface a crap move)

24. Genichiro Tenryu (I thought all sumo’s were fat and that they were IWC members)

25. Bastion Booger (I didn’t know YOU entered the rumble!)

26. Rick Martel (I could go on and on about the brilliance that is the model)

27. Bret Hart (what?! how on earth can he compete after having his leg kicked out of his leg?!)

28. Fatu (Correct me if I’m wrong but weren’t the Islanders and the Headshrinkers pretty much the same thing?)

29. Marty Jannetty (Jannetty is such a rocker that he spends most of his nights crashed out on a prostitutes vagina which has coke sprinkled on it)

30. Adam Bomb (He ain’t THE bomb he was just A bomb)

Eliminations

1. Samu (I don’t think Liam Neeson is too worried about the Anoai family)

2. Rick Steiner (That’s what the fucker gets for cheating against Samu…don’t get me wrong I could care less though)

3. Bart Gunn (I see much punching in short shorts in your future outlaw…I know because I am from the future)

4. Scott Steiner (Huh?)

5. Owen Hart (Pfft…whatever. Owen’s kicking abilities could have killed Diesel)

6. Kwang (Wait a minute…HE abducted Samoa Joe didn’t he?!)

7. Bob Backlund (Mr Backlund demands that you name all the presidents Diesel!)

8. Billy Gunn (He took my insult as a complement curses!)

9. Virgil (I admit expressing sadness for Virgil in that picture of him alone at an autograph signing)

10. Jeff Jarrett (And with that Jarrett started his own army)

11. Randy Savage (I was honestly expecting him to go for a submission because he’s that Macho)

12. Doink the Clown (I am notoriously cheap especially with puns)

13. Diesel (Please for the love of god don’t start some green hippie crap rant because I won’t be able to hear you over the sound of me burning down this tree)

14. Mabel (It took 7 guys to eliminate him which is a record…I wonder who could break it?)

15. The Great Kabuki (Warning: Comparing him to the Great Khali is expected and will earn a ‘you unoriginal idiot’ look from yours truly…Truly a coveted award)

16. Crush (Crush got crushed! What can’t all be gold?)

17. Sparky Plugg (Ok though because it is normal for a NASCAR driver)

18. Greg Valentine (So imagine how annoyed I was when he came out to generic shit in Ric Flair’s ‘Farewell’ party)

19. Rick Martel (So I will…he should have won the IC Title instead of Scarface alcoholic)

20. Adam Bomb (If any Nuclear wars occur please send your complaints to Mr A. Bomb)

21. Mo (She should file a Sexual Assault charge against Fatu)

22. Tatanka (Apparently my Native American name is Alo meaning Spiritual Guide…so true isn’t it loyal subjects?)

23. Bam Bam Bigelow (Because All American hero is more entertaining than high flying fast fat guy)

24. Marty Jannetty (Contrary to your beliefs you will never make it that for and neither should you aspire to)

25. Bastion Booger (Didn’t show up because you were to embarrassed huh? Granted you would have lost but hey why try and get a world title match at Wrestlemania when you can sit in your mums basement masturbating to your inbred cousin…coming on a bit too strong am I?)

26. Fatu (Bret Hart is a true hero for eliminating that woman beating Bad man)

27. Shawn Michaels (Shawn Michaels/Razor Ramon was what Flair/Hogan should have been)

Winners: Bret Hart & Lex Luger (Both men eliminated each other at the same time…on purpose as well. All the name of a popularity contest that would be decided by one of the drunk secret spilling participants like a true American)

1995WWE Royal Rumble 1995

Entrants

1. Shawn Michaels (Number 1? Well we know who isn’t gonna win)

2. The British Bulldog (Shame when the 2 people that realistically has a shot at winning are the first 2 out…I don’t think it’s a shame but some weak fools do)

3. Eli Blu (One Half of the Blu’s Brothers also known as the Harris Brothers also known as who the hell are you talking about?)

4. Duke Droese (A guy that the audience can relate to in terms of human quality)

5. Jimmy Del Ray (Not to be confused with Del Rio the popular hitman of fake Santa Claus’)

6. Sione (I have the sudden temptation to sing about barbarians)

7. Tom Prichard (A Jim Cornette guy which means the entire internet loves him)

8. Doink the Clown (Evil Clown or Good Clown?)

9. Kwang (Theatricality and Deception…powerful agents)

10. Rick Martel (You know they actually once released Arrogance after shave)

11. Owen Hart (Man with the role he has been on he should do well)

12. Timothy Well (Sounds like a loser to me)

13. Bushwhacker Luke (And here I thought those guys went back to sheep shagging)

14. Jacob Blu (He doesn’t look particularly blue to me)

15. King Kong Bundy (Things just got interesting)

16. Mo (Hopefully she has a better tenure this time and if she doesn’t she can throw out the sexism accusation)

17. Mabel (The only way to eliminate him this time would be a crane)

18. Bushwhacker Butch (I thought Butch was a woman lifestyle)

19. Lex Luger (I find it hilarious how after Wrestlemania X Luger was pretty much doing nothing)

20. Mantaur (Clearly somebody saw what I would say in the future about Tito Santana and red capes and brought in an actual bull)

21. Aldo Montoya (The easiness of the jokes righting themselves is just incredible)

22. Henry Godwinn (Oh look somebody even worse than the fucking Bushwhackers)

23. Billy Gunn (What a smoking gun!)

24. Bart Gunn (Why didn’t they capitalise on Simpson mania?)

25. Bob Backlund (Ah Mr Backlund fresh off of his incredibly short reign…good luck to you sir)

26. Steven Dunn (He’s soon to be dunn for)

27. Dick Murdoch (And here I thought you couldn’t pull the nostalgia card at this time)

28. Adam Bomb (Stand back or I’ll detonate a bomb)

29. Fatu (The headshrinkers ate Raw Fish)

30. Crush (Admirable as WWE is for wanting to push this guy he is more or less worthless)

Eliminations

1. Jimmy Del Ray (which is a shame because if he had ran over Santa I would actually like him to the point of masturbation)

2. Owen Hart (…huh. You know that’s really not sportsman like of you Bret)

3. Duke Droese (You should feel comfortable in the dump)

4. Timothy Well (And I’m right…obviously)

5. Rick Martel (The results were painful…and extremely fucking hilarious)

6. Tom Prichard (Would you jump off a cliff if Cornetto told you to…actually you would because you desperately seek approval and I would be happy if you did)

7. Doink the Clown (Better answer: No Clown at all because I killed him! You can thank me later)

8. Kwang (Sione you have made a powerful enemy in Liam Neeson)

9. Eli Blu (Condemn me for ignorance you hypocrite)

10. Sione (Phew…temptation avoided)

11. Bushwhacker Luke (They don’t do it for pleasure either it’s strictly business)

12. Jacob Blu (He looks red to me…the colour of failure. Where as when you look at me you see the colour green for success)

13. Mo (Let it be known that Mo can’t accuse WWE of sexism effectively because they will just note of her pointing out the obvious)

14. King Kong Bundy (How can he be eliminated by the less interesting big man?)

15. Bushwhacker Butch (Maybe Butch is a woman who is Butch…think about that for a minute)

16. Mabel (Turns out all it takes is an All American face to eliminate him…figures)

17. Bob Backlund (Wow…your kind of a dick Bret)

18. Mantaur (Eliminated by the white, blue and more importantly RED!)

19. Bart Gunn (Because it would be stupid you idiot)

20. Billy Gunn (Keep in mind that if a girl says that to you during sex back out now…oh look at me assuming you would ever get to that sorry for getting your hopes up)

21. Steven Dunn (He was dunn for in 04:29)

22. Adam Bomb (That’s it I’m gonna trigger A bomb…it’s a dud…never saw that coming)

23. Aldo Montoya (Can’t he just get Andre to get payback on Michaels?)

24. Fatu (Explains why Fatu became FATu)

25. Dick Murdoch (Bye Dick…thanks for touching old people’s hearts…bad taste?)

26. Henry Godwinn (You can relate to slop can’t you?)

27. Lex Luger (You know Lex I hear the Mall of America has a sale going you should go there…totally no wrestling shows happening there anytime soon)

28. Crush (There now get off the crush dick)

29. The British Bulldog (Wow 1 and 2 made it to the final 2…who saw this coming?)

Winner: Shawn Michaels (As much as I don’t condone this…Rules made as you go along for the win!)

WWE Royal Rumble 1996

Entrants

1. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (In the absence of Ted DiBiase its gratifying to know that 1996 was graced with a man with at least some class)

2. Henry Godwinn (And then the other guy is someone who doesn’t have class and is a representation of most of you people)

3. Bob Backlund (First a man of class and then a role model like Mr Backlund what could be better?)

4. Jerry Lawler (Now a man of Royalty and Intelligence what the hell is going on here?)

5. Bob Holly (And we get back down to earth with a colossal prick)

6. King Mabel (Blah who cares about some fat black king the real King already entered buddy)

7. Jake Roberts (Born Again Jake Roberts…no more playing with his snake now)

8. Dory Funk Jr (Nostalgia!)

9. Yokozuna (Even bigger than before)

10. 123 Kids (Yes Waltman I watched Sesame Street as well)

11. Takao Omori (Some Japanese guy so he must be good)

12. Savio Vega (I hear that around the time Savio debuted the League of Shadows excommunicated one of its members)

13. Vader (Laboured breathing…oh wrong one)

14. Doug Gilbert (Doug Gilbert is a case of taking a horror character into the wrestling world)

15. Squat Team #1 (Real fucking original name there)

16. Squat Team #1 (Because nothing is more intimidating then a tag team that squats)

17. Owen Hart (And so after a bunch of nothings and fake role models we get the amazing kicking ability of Owen Hart…about damn time)

18. Shawn Michaels (And that quickly left as soon as Shawn Michaels entered)

19. Hakushi (Japanese guy after Japanese guy and I’m complaining about…people might think I’m racist)

20. Tatanka (I personally don’t think Native American stereotype gimmicks, whether or not the guy is actually one, work as heels)

21. Aldo Montoya (Wow how extreme was WWE’s roster in 1996?)

22. Diesel (Fresh off his long and boring title reign which WWE was a fan off)

23. Kama (This guy seems kind of familiar almost like he is a practitioner of the Dark Arts)

24. The Ringmaster (He’s the master of the ring…see my observation skills are excellent)

25. Barry Horowitz (Hi Jobber)

26. Fatu (I feel the strange urge to throw food at FATu)

27. Isaac Yankem (Now WWE is just being offensive for portraying dentists in a negative light…not all dentists are like Isaac)

28. Marty Jannetty (He’s taken time out from being crashed out on a pile of coke on a whore’s vagina I see)

29. The British Bulldog (I liked Bulldog teaming with Owen)

30. Duke Droese (He found the number 30 spot in a dump where it belongs)

Eliminations

1. Bob Backlund (Yokozuna recite the pledge of allegiance you unintelligent moron…seriously I want to know what it says)

2. Henry Godwinn (Join the rest of the filth)

3. King Mabel (Shows how worthless the king of the ring is Yoko…still unintelligent though)

4. Takao Omori (Apparently not good enough)

5. Dory Funk Jr (Ok I like the Funks somewhat so I’ll let that blatant pandering to older fans slide)

6. Jake Roberts (He would end up dying and being reborn again as the Jake we all know, love and make fun of months later)

7. Doug Gilbert (Which is hilarious when you consider that his actual name is one of the least intimidating names possible)

8. Squat Team #1 (That’s right punish him for his unoriginality)

9. Squat Team #2 (Actually squatting can be pretty terrifying if you’re on the ground and they guy doing the squatting is a man in a dress)

10. Savio Vega (You for a guy created purely to give Razor Ramon a on screen friend he was pretty boring)

11. Yokozuna (Backstage Yoko would of course ended up eating Shawn Michaels and Shawn didn’t complain because he likes being eaten)

12. Vader (He should have told Shawn that he was his father and he was a dick…a bravo sarcastic look and applause for those who got that)

13. 123 Kid (I actually never watched Sesame Street because I didn’t need to know for I was very intelligent for my age and good looking as well)

14. Hakushi (which is extremely unaccurate…all races are equally worthless unless your name is Zak Anthony Howard Genghis Khan Fellows)

15. Aldo Montoya (So Extreme that Tatanka had to eliminate Aldo before the ring was set on fire from all the extreme…ness)

16. Jerry Lawler (Smart thinking Jerry hiding under the ring even though I wouldn’t need to if I was in your shoes…oh well enjoy one of your last few years of being intelligent)

17. Tatanka (I say this because I am Alo spiritual guide)

18. Bob Holly (It took THAT long to eliminate that asshole…guys I’m very disappoint)

19. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (Excellent effort Sir Helmsley)

20. Barry Horowitz (Bye Jobber)

21. Owen Hart (You should have been able to kick Shawn’s head off of his head Owen come on!)

22. Marty Jannetty (Eliminated and will never amount to anything…coke time!)

23. The Ringmaster (Even though I believe that you should judge a book by its cover especially if it’s a porn magazine this guy looks like an alcoholic wife beating redneck)

24. Fatu (Here’s a doughnut Fat you)

25. Isaac Yankem (Granted all the dentists I have seen while expecting my shiny teeth and me are all ugly but when it’s me by comparison…)

26. Duke Droese (Feel pretty silly for going through that dump to get the number 30 spot don’t you?)

27. The British Bulldog (By himself I could care less about Davey Boy)

28. Kama (Oh well if he was Papa Shango he could have prevented that elimination)

29. Diesel (Feel tempted to take out your frustrations on the challenger to the title don’t you Kevin?)

Winner: Shawn Michaels (And yet we will all remember the Rumble which he won last year)

Royal-Rumble-1997WWE Royal Rumble 1997

Entrants

1. Crush (God when are they gonna give up on this jail bait?)

2. Ahmed Johnson (Johnson is evidence that maybe WWE was going to crown a black world champion)

3. ‘Razor Ramon’ (Rick Bogner wasn’t a very good Razor Ramon because he wasn’t enough of a drunk)

4. Phineas Godwinn (I think the reason his parents named him Phineas is so he can at least pass as an intelligent person)

5. Steve Austin (Whoever his girlfriend was at the time he probably beat them up for drawing number 5)

6. Bart Gunn (I would like to see MMA fighters that aren’t psychopaths)

7. Jake Roberts (You better be careful Jake because your demons will probably emerge if you lose this one)

8. The British Bulldog (1997 is of course the year that the European Title was introduced as a way for WWE to say to Bulldog ‘No we haven’t forgotten about you’)

9. Pierroth (So I guess the ethnic stereotype of 1997 was the Mexicans)

10. The Sultan (That’s one fat Sultan)

11. Mil Mascaras (Old wrestling fan jerk off material)

12. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (Thank god I was getting sick of all of the common filth that has entered this match so far)

13. Owen Hart (Remember that your kicks are your best weapon this time Owen)

14. Goldust (You know Goldust tried to seduce me)

15. Cibernetico (Mexicans apparently have secret cybernetic technology as well)

16. Marc Mero (Little Richard!)

17. Latin Lover (That looks nothing like my Latin Lover)

18. Faarooq (Alright guys let’s raise the arm in salute of Faarooq)

19. Savio Vega (If he entered around the same time that Razor Ramon was in the ring he would have a chance)

20. Jesse James (So that’s the bastard that robbed my ancestor Sheriff Rosco Fellows)

21. Bret Hart (And here comes an extremely pissed off marching Bret Hart)

22. Jerry Lawler (Hopefully he whips…all the opponents into line)

23. ‘Diesel’ (Didn’t he look at my teeth a couple of years ago?)

24. Terry Funk (Oh Terry don’t you have some low quality bingo hall to be at?)

25. Rocky Maivia (A real good kid who everybody is sure to get behind)

26. Mankind (Look at this poor unfortunate soul)

27. Flash Funk (I don’t care how funky he is if he flashes me then he is a dead man)

28. Vader (A lot of people agree that Vader should have won the title at Summer Slam 1996)

29. Henry Godwinn (Why is this sack of crap coming in at such a late time? I guess WWE officials sympathise with common scum like Henry and you people)

30. The Undertaker (How in the world can I kill the Undertaker?)

Eliminations

1. ‘Razor Ramon’ (Jim Ross must be pissed off at this result)

2. Ahmed Johnson (Eliminated himself after eliminated Razor…he realised how shit his number was and just gave in the lazy bastard)

3. Crush (There now please take these steroids as a reward for your years of mediocrity and go away)

4. Phineas Godwinn (Ok let me speak clearly so you can understand…YOU! BEEN! THROWN! OUT!)

5. Bart Gunn (But I realise how crowded prisons are these days)

6. Jake Roberts (Oh well there goes the snake…no there wasn’t wardrobe malfunctions)

7. The Sultan (Oh wait Sultan’s are always fat never mind)

8. The British Bulldog (Didn’t stop WWE from giving it to Shawn Michaels the first chance they got)

9. Cibernetico (Maybe that Mexican Cybernetic technology is why Judas Mesias looks like this guy)

10. Pierroth (Good I’ve been meaning to cut the grass…in the garden I mean…so totally don’t need any help)

11. Mil Mascaras (He eliminated himself in his hall of fame performance)

12. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (You know just because you are an uncultured mess Goldust doesn’t mean you have to ruin it for all 1 of us educated fellows)

13. Goldust (I of course turned him down on the account of not swinging that way and not being that desperate)

14. Latin Lover (Although his eyes are beautiful…nothing Luisa I’m talking to myself!)

15. Faarooq (Escaping a 2×4 like a boss…raise that fucking fist!)

16. Marc Mero (You see where resembling somebody gets you?)

17. Owen Hart (Oh come you should have been able to break Austin’s neck Owen!)

18. Savio Vega (And what a 29 seconds that was)

19. Jesse James (That’s for Rosco you son of a bitch!)

20. Jerry Lawler (Oh curse you Bret!)

21. Flash Funk (Good thing Flash Fuck didn’t flash me…any chance he can come back and get rid of Fuckasaurus though?)

22. Henry Godwinn (I knew there was a reason for Undertaker being one of my favourites)

23. Rocky Maivia (Oh well good hustle kid everybody will still be behind you)

24. Terry Funk (For the record I don’t hate ECW or its alumni I hate that the bastard children that it gave birth to along with its roster shamelessly masturbating to it in reunion shows…and the virgin audiences that turn up for them as well)

25. Mankind (That’s just unfortunate for the poor guy…I am actually trying to prevent doing an evil smirk…it isn’t working)

26. Vader (I for one don’t because that would imply that WWE cared about Vader)

27. The Undertaker (Why don’t you just shoot him Mr Z?)

28. ‘Diesel’ (I would totally sell fake fuel for the record because I am that much of an evil bastard)

29. Bret Hart (Now he’s gonna get all pissy because the ref’s getting distracted by Funk and Mankind allowed an eliminated Austin to sneak back into the ring…1997 is known as the year of Bret’s bitching after all)

Winner: Steve Austin (He would be going to Wrestlemania but the plans changed like every fucking week because somebody got suicidal depressed conveniently)

Part 1 of WWE Royal Rumble in a Nutshell (1988-1992) by Zak Fellows

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